Geez it’s been ages since I’ve written anything on here. Since I cannot be sure if anyone will read this I am going to just make this a reflective post regarding my discharge from the cmht. I have finished the CBT for the anxiety,depression and OCD and whilst the initial euphoria of leaving has now faded I am now feeling slightly unnerved and a bit empty – like I’ve lost something. I think it’s partly habit and also the very big step I am taking in getting use to standing on my own two feet again after two years of support and about 9 months of CBT. I know I need to acknowledge this because I don’t beleive anybody who comes out of a positive therapy experience can honsetly say hand on heart that they don’t feel emotionally drained and very scared.But that’s fine, because this time I really have got the hang of CBT and I do not feel so ‘out in the cold’ like I did the first time I left ‘services’ in 2002.
Today’s final appointment was to discuss a ‘therapy blueprint’ that I will recieve a copy of next week. Basically this was Jan the therapist asking me questions about what has helped me with CBT, what I have learned and a whole heap of other things. It also covered such things as how I would deal with situations that could prove a threat to my recovery – ie Hubby’s own mental health deteriorating, kids illness, my physical health, bereavement, work stress and other ‘life situatons’. In effect it was covering all bases so that I could manage them in the future. For some time Jan has also thought that I needed some form of support as a carer. So it was agreed that if I required support from the cmht either by phone or an appointment to discuss Hubby’s health in a crisis situation then I have that right to access their help automatically – news to me ! If things get too out of hand and he has a a longer bought of illness causing a lot of stress for myself and the kids then I can ask for a carers assessment and a period of support will follow. Also was mentioned possibility after a crisis that they will support me in applying for funding via Direct Payments to obtain respite time/for myself and kids or a family break. So we discussed this further with my social worker and it will be all written into my discharge.
I now have to prove to myself that I can maintain my recovery and continue with what I have learned – again something we covered was to remember situations to actively use the strategies as soon as I recognise a situation/issue/threat. She said that one of the main reasons why people return to services is that they do not implement what they have used at the first instance of a problem kicking in and that they’ve forgotten what they have learned. Once I have my copy of the ‘therapy blueprint ‘ all I need to do is put in a place that I can easily find it and refer back to as needed.
Finally both Jan and my social worker encouraged me to go further with my knowledge and experience as a student, user and carer and get involved with the local user/carer networks. Reason being there is a real push at the moment to get people involved in shaping services. Apparently at the moment there is something going on with looking at the use of paperwork in the the Trust and reducing some of the wording, making it more simplified whilst adhering to an effective management of information.
I have learnt so much and I know how lucky and how grateful I am for the help I have received. CBT is not a walk in the park, you have to want to do it. It helps having a great therapist and certainly when therapy is done properly and when services do as they are supposed to then the system does work.
cellar_door Said:
on January 14, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Congratulations on the discharge
) Must be damn scary. Make sure you take advantage of everything they’ve offered re the carers stuff, though!
CD x
serotonin66 Said:
on January 15, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Thanks CD
Hope you are well and I will have a nosey at your blog at some point.
Yes it is bloody scarey and I think because I have been through discharge before I am a bit more aware of how I feel. Funny cos the grief I have experienced built gradually during the day yesterday and got to a point where I had to release it and cry. I can equate the loss with both my parents dying, though maybe not as intense. I will continue to bother the cmht regarding my role as a carer as the need arises. Thankfully hubby’s blips do not tend to drag on too long and are more often than not resolved by upping his meds. It was good for me to hear Jan recognise my need for back up as a carer, just having the recognition means a lot to me.
cbtish Said:
on January 14, 2010 at 10:49 pm
I read it!
It is great to see a positive outcome for CBT described in the blogosphere, though your feeling of loss and your therapist’s concern that you might not be able to deal with future situations are unusual and slightly worrying. I hope things go well for you, and that you will write here more often.
serotonin66 Said:
on January 15, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Thank you cbtish.
It’s quite common to feel a sense of loss when ending therapy apparently and I am learning to accept it as part of the process of getting on with my life. A key part of CBT Iis just accepting things .For instance I accept that I have a propensity to look at situations and catastrophise or predict outcomes. It’s something I have done for a very long time, but I am at the point where I have learnt to challenge this. Also that there really is no point at times thinking something bad will happen and that I will not cope. For example if I fear my car is going to conk out does worrying actually help ? Even if it does conk out I would just have to deal with the situation. You cannot always plan for things, stuff happens and you get on with it. I have a predispostion to anxiety and depression, it runs in my family, I witnessed a lot of it in my parents and the circumstances I live in can be at times can be challenging as a carer and mother (I am not doing the woe is me, cos it’s my decision to live as I do).
The therapist discussing with me how I will deal with future situations, again is part of the ‘therapy blueprint’ – a plan of action for me to refer back to if and when a situation arises. A lot of people leave CBT and other therapies and do not put into practice what they have learnt or they forget. So discussing scenarios is an enabling process, getting me to think how I can use the CBT. Plus it’s another way for the therapist to check my grasp of therapy and the strategies that I will use.
In effect ending therapy is actually more of a beginning. Sure I have to stand on my own two feet but it’s a bit like passing your driving test, you learn more once you have passed.